Writing Groups Yes? Writing Groups No?

My father-in-law loves politics and so every year we give him some kind of political commentary which he usually reads the day after Christmas and then gives it back to us! One year when he brought it back, he said "I love this author, he agrees with everything I ever said!"

Don't you love reading something that totally agrees with your way of thinking? It is affirming. It makes you feel less alone in your thinking. It makes you feel that maybe you aren't so weird after all for the way you are thinking.

Jill Kemerer wrote something on her blog recently that helped me that way. It was a post on writing groups. I am a new writer. I am trying to do things the 'right' way. I am reading books about writing and trying to do what they tell me I should do. One of the things they tell you to do is to get involved in a writer's group.

I tried that last year but it folded up after a little while and besides, for some reason, it just didn't suit me. So now this year I have signed up for a creative writing course and they run it just like a writer's group, we read our stuff and then critique each other. The facilitator is quite good.

But the group does not suit me very well. I hate to quit (quitting, just another word for failure!), and I hate to lose my $100 class fee, but I don't know how much more I can take. The kinds of stories the other people write are not my kind of stories and I find it difficult to critique, let alone to listen to them. One story in particular is disturbing and this time I just wanted to leave the room while it was being read but I didn't want to be rude....

I do tend to be a loner. And one of the things I have found in dealing with my depression is that exhaustion is my biggest enemy. What exhausts me the most? PEOPLE! Don't tell anybody, but people exhaust me. Not all kinds of people, but the number of those who do not exhaust me is very small.

I had been ruminating over this problem when I read Jill's post about writer's groups and I felt totally vindicated! Thank you Jill!

In the meantime I am praying and asking God to find me a critique partner, maybe someone online which won't exhaust me as much as someone in person. After all God knows me, he created me, so he will know best just what kind of critique partner I need, right? I will let you know how it works out.

For a dose of laughter medicine click HERE:

May dipsy doodling around depression

be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

Decisions and Depression

I read a great post on Storied Mind this week. It was about decision making and depression. The two often go hand in hand. When your mind is not working well, it is too sick to do what it needs to do in order to enable you to make decisions.

This is just one of many challenges for depression sufferers and the Storied Mind author sheds some light on this topic worth reading.

Since I try to have strategies to help me cope with the challenges of depression, I wondered, what my strategy was for decision making, especially during a depressive episode.

This is my strategy - don't do it if you don't have to! Your judgement is askew when your thinking is off. You may make decisions you will regret later. This same advice would be given to someone who had the flu or was sick in some other way. When you are not feeling well, you are not fit to make sound decisions.

Today has not been one of my better days. I am having a hard time deciding anything today, even what to write in this post. I have spent half of today regretting a decision I made last week when I thought I was feeling quite well!

One of the challenges for me in making decisions when I am depressed is not only that I have a hard time deciding but also that I just don't care. Most things just don't matter that much. So then I am wondering if I really can't decide, or I just can't be bothered deciding?

Any ideas?

For a dose of laughter medicine click HERE:

May dipsy doodling around depression

be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

Change is Challenging!

We are making a change in our lives this week. It could be a good change, but change is stressful for anyone, and sometimes even more for those of us who suffer from depression.

We have enjoyed the last eleven summers in a little old trailer in a park about an hour from our home. We have had special times there and made good friends. Our trailer is so old and they are upgrading the park and so we have been asked to upgrade or leave. This is not the most difficult change I have ever made and I know that but, nonetheless, it is sad to bring to an end something that has been so special for us.

We decided to buy a small travel trailer instead and do some travelling which is kind of exciting. The good part is that we can go up to our same old park with our new trailer and camp and spend time with old friends too, and so really, all is not so bad. But it is change....

How do you cope with change? Any change requires a grieving process of some sort. Even good changes are stressful. It is good to have a plan ahead of time so that you don't fall into a pit of despair unprepared. This is especially true if you have bipolar disorder. Any change could send you up or down and you don't want that.

For me personally, exhaustion is my biggest enemy and the most likely thing to send me tailspinning down, down and down. Please pray for me that I will not become too exhausted, that I will pace myself and get the job done slowly.

And so today, as this post is published, I will be at my much loved little old trailer, packing up stuff, saying goodbye to friends, and trying to pretend it is all a part of life.... Deep down inside I would like to cry and say 'why does life have to change at all? Why can't all good things last...forever...?'

I am glad there is one good thing that I have yet to look forward to, that is the best thing that is ever going to happen to me, and it WILL last forever! Going to heaven!

For a dose of laughter medicine, click HERE.

May dipsy doodling around depression

be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

Wendy

What Do I Write About?

Last time I mentioned the benefits of writing for healing and I suggested a website that goes into this further. You may be giving this some thought and yet wonder "what do I write about?"

That is what the website "One Year of Writing and Healing" is all about. She takes you through some great exercises, step by step. I am going to try some of them myself. In answer to the question of what to write, there is a quote on the blog by Laura King which says: "Writing about topics that allow us to learn about our own needs and desires may be a way to harness the healing benefits of writing."

Again the notion of knowing about ourselves, or 'knowing our own needs and desires' as stated, seems to come up in any discussion about dealing with depression. Couldn't this idea, of knowing ourselves, be handy for just about any aspect of our lives?

I mentioned this idea of knowing ourselves in an older post which might interest you. How well do you 'know yourself'?

For your dose of laughter medicine, click here.

May dipsy doodling around depression,

be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

Why Write? It's Good for You!

Writing for health! There is strong evidence to support that getting your thoughts out of your head and down on paper is beneficial.

There is an excellent website I would like to direct you to called 'One Year of Writing and Healing' that gives so much good information on this topic. Something Diane Morrow, the author of the site says is "I believe people heal best when they feel they have good options and when they feel they can choose among those options".

I remember a time, when I was in therapy, and the therapist asked me what kind of life Iwanted if I could have anything I wanted. In the dark depressed state that I was in at that time, I could only say "well, what is the point of even thinking about that...it is not going to happen...." At that time I felt that I DID NOT have options.

Since then, I have discovered some options and exercised them. One of those options is writing (instead of ruminating). I made mention of the value of journalling in another post.

If you are reading this blog because you suffer from depression, and you haven't started journalling yet, then what are you waiting for? Start today! Write it all out and keep writing until you can't go on.... And if you are reading this blog and you do not suffer from depression, journal anyways...it is healthy.

I have found that for me, other kinds of writing have been helpful too and I enjoy the blogging and the writing as much as I enjoyed painting when I first started learning how to paint. You don't have to be a writer to write or to journal. If this is something you haven't considered, then maybe you should get started.

Write? Right!

For a dose of laughter medicine, click here.

May dipsy doodling around depression,
be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,
I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

My Favourite Flower!

Last time I mentioned that my favourite colour is red and I asked you what your favourite colour was.

I have stated before how important it is to 'know yourself' so you can make sure you do things that effect you in a positive way or don't do things that affect you in a negative way. Not only has red always been my favourite colour, but red geraniums have been a favourite as well. Sometimes in the fall, I will bring them inside and enjoy the red blooms all winter.

Every few summers I think that maybe I should try some variety in my garden and I will pick out some different things, but I always come back to my red geraniums. They seem to make me the happiest. I can't figure it out, but I know that it is true!

My mother was an artist and I cherish the art she left behind. She also loved red geraniums and in her later years, that is all she painted. I cherish three of those paintings and they hang in my bedroom. I love to look at them first thing in the morning when I wake up and last thing at night before I go to sleep. And when I am not well and find I have to confine myself to bedrest for a day or two, it helps to be surrounded by something that makes me feel good.

Are you surrounding yourself as much as you can, with things that make you feel good? Make a list today of things that make you feel good such as a colour, art, music, animals, special people and even food! Keep the list handy, remind yourself of the things you like and try as much as you can to surround yourself with some of those things.

God made you the way you are, don't ignore it.

For a dose of laughter medicine click here.

May dipsy doodling around depression
be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,
I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

Red for Romance?

My favourite colour is RED! My favourite shade is this warm bright red, like our Canadian flag - what a beautiful site! I am a proud and patriotic Canadian but I don't think I would love that flag so much if it were purple!

I even like wearing red, particularly this bright warm red. Whenever I do, people usually comment on how good I look. Do you think God gives us our likes and dislikes for no reason at all? Are they just random thoughts, or does he attempt to use even those likes and dislikes to minister to us, to help us live a fuller life? After all, he did create us. I believe that God always knew that red would be my favourite colour.

What is your favourite colour? What does thinking about it do for you? What does wearing that colour do for you? What does seeing it around you do for you? Maybe this could be another little thing you could think about to minister to your moods.

Red cheers me up! Do you have a colour that cheers you up? (If you just said 'black', I think we have a problems!)

Can you guess what my favourite flower is? Next time!

For a dose of laughter medicine, click HERE.

May dipsy doodling around depression,

be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

Free Give Away

Nancie, a blogging friend who also lives with bipolar, has this free give away for the month of September. If you would like a chance to win, click here.

May dipsy doodling around depression,

be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

Reality Bites Romance?

I am continuing with the 'romance' theme partly because it brings extra traffic to my blog, and I am experimenting with that. However, while dealing with this interesting topic, I have found ways of relating it to depression in a significant way.

Unfulfilled expectations and/or unrealistic expectations can be a major contributor to depression. The photo of this beautiful bride and groom is like a fairy tale. If that bride and groom were expecting this romantic phase to last forever, they would experience unfulfilled expectations.

When the disagreements begin, and they will, a couple will have a harder time dealing with them if they are not prepared, if they had unrealistic expectations.

What a contrast between these two photos. How ironic that, during a time in history where there is a higher rate of divorce than ever before, the hype surrounding weddings is bigger than ever. This doesn't make any sense and the hype makes the expectations even more unrealistic than they ever have been. What follows? Disappointment so huge it can lead to depression.

What does this have to do with you? Do you have any unrealist or unfulfilled expectations that are causing you grief (not just about romance, but about anything at all)? Is there any way you could change your thinking?

For a your dose of laughter medicine click HERE.

May dipsy doodling around depression

be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

The Unromantic Side to Romance

I am having a little fun posting about romance. I have discovered that just putting that word in the title of a post, brings more hits to my blog. I have also discovered some interesting things about romance that I never thought about before.

For instance, Random House Dictionary describes romance as "a narrative depicting heroic or marvelous achievements, colourful events or scenes, chivalrous devotion, unusual or even supernatural experiences, or other matters of a kind to appeal to the imagination". That doesn't sound like our popular idea of romance, does it?

It also defines romantic as "fanciful, unpractical, unrealist". Mmn... not sure if that fits our idea either.

Oh, here we go, a further definition for 'romantic' is "displaying or expressing love or strong affection". Is that more like it?

In an ideal world, romantic feelings will lead to a love commitment and then to marriage. Remember the song?

"Love and marriage,

love and marriage,

go together like a horse and carriage"

If romance does lead eventually to love and the to marriage, and I was one of those people who was blessed with that experience, then it also leads to some very unromantic stuff: household chores, debt, responsibilities, in-laws, babies, diapers, terrible two's, defiant children, rebellious teens, old age....

And yet, God in his wisdom has arranged it this way. Sometimes I think that the little romantic part that motivates us in the early stages of a relationship is one of God's tricks to get us to continue to keep his human species going.

But another one of his great tricks, or blessings, is that for some people, who marry and experience all of those unromantic things that go with it, they also manage to keep the romance(the love part, not the unrealistic part) alive - oh, not every minute of every day, but here and there, now and then. That is the miracle of the human condition.

Humans are fragile and can hurt easily. Humans also have great bounce-back ability. Humans are tough! God created us to be able to experience a huge range of wonderful emotions such as love, joy, and awe as well as to withstand and endure painful emotions such as anger, disappointment, worry, fear....

We are strong enough to endure depression and come out the other side, brighter and better.

I will leave this topic of romance with a question for you to think about: are your expectations in the area of romance as unrealistic as romance itself?

Next time I would like to chat about expectations and depression.

For some humour therapy, click HERE.

May dipsy doodling around depression

be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

What Do Romance and Depression Have in Common?

Now, this was a sad romantic movie. Have you seen it?

What do romance and depression have in common? They don't last! Now I am a veteran in this old depression game, and I sure do know that feeling you have when you are in a depression phase...the feeling that it will last forever...the feeling that you will never be well again.

But it doesn't last forever, just like romance. Some depressions last longer than others, but most lift for awhile and we are able to participate in life once again.

A new romance is intense and all-consuming, so is a depression episode. Romance involves the emotions, so does depression.

But of course the list of differences are quite long. Everyone wants to experience romance. No one wants to experience depression. Songs are written about romance, songs are not written about depression. When we are in a new romantic relationship, we want it to last forever. We never want depression to last.

There have been times when I have thought that if my husband were to die before me, that I would not even marry again, because of this depression that is such a big part of my life. But once again, I say to myself, and to anyone who is reading this, that depression is not ALL of who I am(or who YOU are) and it does not affect my life ALL the time.

Did you know there is an unromantic side to romance? I will chat about that next time.

For some humour therapy, click HERE.

May dipsy doodling around depression
be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,
I'm praying for you!
Wendy Love

Romance Hits the Spot!

Last week I wrote about the big business of romance novels. The picture shown above is a random choice, I am not endorsing this particular novel.

After posting three times on romance last week, I got way more hits to my blog than usual. So, I guess romance hits the spot! At least I guess it hits a spot that we want to have hit. A spot that is a feel good spot.

Funny thing about romance though. Everybody wants it. Songwriters sing about it more than anything else. And yet... it has the potential to cause the most pain because the heart is involved. The heart I am speaking about is not the heart organ, but the emotional side of our thoughts, which are controlled by our brain.

Sometimes, when you are depressed, you can barely even get in touch with your heart. Your head is acting up so much you wonder if you even have a heart in there. And romance - well - that can be the last thing on your mind. Even being with the one you love may require more effort than you are capable of.

Romance, that sweet wonderful thing that got us all together in the first place, may be the last thing on your mind when you are in a deep depression. My husband and I have had to come to an understanding, that when I don't feel like being romantic, it has nothing to do with him personally. My brain just won't let me go there. It is all I can do when I am depressed to get up in the morning, get washed and dressed, eat decently, and maybe take a walk.

Even reading, something I usually love to do, is difficult when the depression is acting up. Since our emotions are controlled by our thoughts, those emotions take a terrible beating during a depression phase.

However, there is a way in which romance and depression are kind of similar and I will talk a bit about that next time.

For a little humour therapy, click HERE.

May dipsy doodling around depression
be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,
I'm praying for you!
Wendy Love

Romance is Good for Depression

In 1995, when I was recently separated from my first husband, I attended a wonderful support group called Divorcecare. You can look it up on the internet and see if there is a group near you. I would recommend this for anyone going through that awful experience.

Once of the things they recommended for all of us was NOT to rush into a new relationship. They said that the experience of a new romance is so chemically invigorating, that for awhile you will think that you have 'gotten over' your loss and you will not fully grieve the marriage that has ended. That is good advice.

Romance has a chemical benefit. I have heard that scientists have apparently studied that benefit and they even have concluded that the biophysical life of the new romance is three years.
If you are happily married, you have someone who can help you to experience that chemical benefit. The trouble is however, that when you are depressed, romance (and/or sex) are often the last thing on your mind. Sometimes the very thing we don't want is the very thing we could really use.

It is just an idea, but, if you have a spouse who is willing to work with you when you are down and out, try sex, try romance. It may be just what you need. And if reading a romance novel, can help to get you in the mood for something that is good for depression, then read away!

May dipsy doodling around depression
be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,
I'm praying for you!
Wendy Love

Vicarious Romance

Last time I shared how reading a romance novel might be recommended therapy for women who suffer from depression. I was only half joking.

From what I understood in this documentary I mentioned, there is a special benefit for women who read romance novels. There is even some speculation that they get a chemical high from the experience. Since part of depression is chemical, then why not try reading a romance novel and see if you get any chemical benefit?

For any of us who live with this mysterious illness, it behooves us to learn what can trigger both good feelings and bad. If a romance novel does something good for you, then hooray, you have something to add to your list of good triggers!

My own theory about the romance novel is that the benefit is not just the thrill of the romance and what it does for you. I think it also has something to do with remembering the preciousness of romance, the rareness of it.

Every marriage begins with romance. It is the new part, the baby of the marriage. Babies are new and cute and precious and don't last for long. You want to savour every moment.

Maybe reading a romance novel can help you savour your own romance and remember the good times, the precious beginnings of your relationship.

Triggering good memories can be a pleasant balm for the depressed. Maybe making a list of good memories would be therapeutic too.

I have one more reason why reading romances might be good for depression. I will share that with you next time.

May dipsy doodling around depression

be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love