The Greatest Therapist That Ever Lived!

As a christian, I have found my greatest source of therapy, of comfort and strength comes from God.

Non-believers will say 'if your God is so wonderful, why doesn't he heal you? Why does he allow suffering?' I don't know....

But I do know this. When I talk to God about the way I feel, when I read my bible for awhile, I feel at least a wee bit better. And... I definitely feel supported, heard and loved.

It sounds easy enough, right? Wrong! Maintaining your faith while in a depressed state is just as challenging as everything else when you are depressed. That is when you must just rely on the truth and not on your feelings.

For me, God is truth, and the bible, his word is truth. If I read for long enough, something, somewhere off of one of those inspired pages will finally reach into the depths of my sorrowful self and touch me in a way that nothing else and no one else can.

If you haven't tried God yet, why not give him a try?

If you have tried and you believe he has failed you, why not give him another chance?

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

The Greatest Therapist That Ever Lived!

The Best Therapist of All!

We have been talking about marriage and depression. Depression makes marriage, which we all know is a challenging relationship, even more challenging. It can even be a threat to a marriage.

Therapy is a recommended activity for anyone who lives with mental illness. Finding a good therapist is not an easy thing to do.

But - if you and your spouse work hard at communicating with one another, you just may find that your spouse could be the best therapist of all! After all, the marriage relationship has the potential to be a safer place, a place where each can offer comfort to one another. Just talking things out is therapeutic. And think of the money you can save by counselling each other!

Depression is usually worse in the morning. Sometimes when I wake up and realize I am not well, I tell my husband about how bad I feel. I complain a bit about my awful life. I express some self-pity and some frustration. I have a little cry. He gives me a hug. And then you know what - I feel just a wee bit better after that. It is almost like I have to purge some of the poisonous thinking in order to make a bad day into a not-so-bad day.

Sometime way back when, I had to tell my husband that I did not always need answers, I just needed someone to listen to me express my confusing ideas. Together we have come up with a system that works for us.

I have been talking about ways that my husband has been helpful to me. When I feel well, I make sure that I do things that are helpful to him. Usually he is so happy that I am feeling better, he doesn't even care, but I do. It is nice for a change for me to be the one to offer "how about a back rub?" It is wonderful to have a day now and then where I can be the one to say "is there anything I can do to help?"

How about you? Each couple is as unique as the individuals that make up a couple. Are you attempting to find a way to communicate (which is listening as well as talking) that will benefit both of you and save the marriage?

I have written these posts about marriage and depression to encourage those of you who are married to not give up - to encourage you to keep trying to help each other - to encourage you to find ways to be useful and understand to one another. I will pray for you....

Next time I would like to talk about a 'divine' therapist.

What about you? Do you have a good therapist? Could you and your spouse become sort of 'therapists' for each other?

For your dose of laughter medicine click here.

May dispy doodling around depression
be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,
I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

Depression and Couples - Talk About It!

There are a lot of ways that depression is like any other challenge a married couple faces - you have to talk about it! Understanding must be created. That goes for both sides.

It is important that both members of the marriage share how the depression affects them. Depression should not be the cause of misunderstandings. Fighting with a depressed person is a terrible thing. They may say things that don't really mean (and which are usually not even true). Because of that you want to avoid fighting whenever possible. If you can discuss feelings and create understanding you will have less reason to fight.

Discussion means giving each other permission to say how you are really feeling. The opportunity is then presented for not only understanding, but also forgiveness. I have had to say "I am so sorry that my depression makes you feel this way. Please forgive me."

My husband has said "I am so relieved that those feelings you have are not about me but they are about depression. You have no idea what a relief that is for me."

I can't tell you what to say to each other. This kind of discussion isn't a one-time thing, but should be ongoing for as long as it takes for both of you to get a good grasp of what you are up against.

There have been times when I have thought that my husband would be better off without me. There are times when I think that if he dies before I do, that I would never remarry. I would not wish me and my illness on another partner.

But - you know what? Marriage can be a bonus, not a burden to someone who lives with depression. I will tell you what I mean by that next time.

What about you? Do you find that when you are depressed your marriage seems like a burden, but when you are not depressed it seems like a bonus?

For a dose of laughter medicine click here.

May dipsy doodling around depression
be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,
I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

Marriage and Depression - "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Yesterday I began to address the topic of 'marriage and depression'. I almost hesitate to tell you the things my husband does for me for fear it will paint a picture of a perfect husband, which he is not.

No one has a perfect husband or a perfect marriage. What my husband does have going for him is that he wants to try. He has one failed marriage behind him and he doesn't want another. He loves me and wants to do whatever he can to help. The children are grown, he is retired and so he is in a position to be helpful.

First he had to learn that if I wanted to be alone, it had nothing to do with him - it wasn't personal! That was particularly important for us to make clear, since, as I said, we have each got a failed marriage behind us. Once he got that through his head, he was able to ask 'what can I do for you?'

My answer to that was 'just asking what you can do, is help enough. Knowing that you are there if I need you is great comfort. But for now I guess you can just leave me alone'. It took us a long time to reach this stage. It took me a long time to stop feeling guilty that I can't be more of a fun partner, to stop feeling like I was neglecting my husband.

The first step in dealing with the effects of marriage and depression and how to keep the marriage strong despite the depression is to accept the condition. For me I needed to realize that it wasn't my fault that I am not the dream wife. It is not my fault that I am the way I am.

That being said however, it is important for the marriage that each partner do whatever they can to understand the condition more, and get as much outside help as possible.

It would add further damage to this marriage if I was unwilling to get all the help I can.

This is just the beginning of a discussion about marriage and depression. More next time..

What about you? Is there something that you could do for your partner that they would appreciate? Is there something they could do for you that they will not know about unless you tell them?

For a dose of laughter medicine click here.

May dipsy doodling around depression
be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,
I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

Marriage and Depression

This could be me many evenings. Just leave me alone in my bed so I can read or watch TV.

This could be my husband after most meals. I cook, he cleans up...alone. I am usually done in by this time of day.

This is what I imagined we would look like at this stage of our lives. A happy older couple doing things together. But because of my illness, it can't always be that way.

My husband and I have had to figure out how to have a life despite the depression. We have had to figure out ways to love each other, despite everything. We have had to learn to 'not take it personally' when one, or both of us is down.

Here is an excellent article about Marriage and Depression from Esperanza magazine. I would like to recommend it for all of us married folk who live with depression. I hope you get some good ideas out of it.

Next time I will share a few things that my husband and I do that work for us.

How about you, got any ideas about marriage and depression?

For a dose of laughter medicine click here.

May dipsy doodling around depression

be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

A Critique Partner - Right Under My Nose!

I have found in my 59 years of living, that when there was something I was wanting, something I thought lacking in my life, it was often right under my nose.

For instance, I used to have a big old farmhouse. The big kitchen was used as an artist studio. We created a little kitchen in the butler's pantry. That butler's pantry was not sufficient and I longed for a better kitchen. I also resented the fact that I was at that time, I was married to a cabinetmaker who made kitchens for other people but not for me.... I prayed about it. And then... the Lord showed me that I already had a great big kitchen. Why not convert the old farm kitchen/artist studio, back into a kitchen, since I had given up the art business and gone back to teaching school?

There it was! A big, beautiful farm kitchen, right under my nose - cabinets and all! I have many happy memories related to that kitchen!

It is the same with a critique partner. I have been searching for one and yet ... I actually have one right under my nose - my husband. He is a fabulous editor! He is a great one to talk about my writing with. He does some writing too and so he understands. But... he is not a woman. He is not the kind of person who would read the kind of book I am writing. I have him reading the Jan Karon 'Mitford' series right now just so he can understand what I am aiming for. He is quite enjoying those books too, but he is not a natural reader of those kinds of books.

My husband plays a lot of roles in my life. I live with bipolar depression, he lives with attention deficit disorder and also depression and so we are quite a pair. The marriage had to either totally fall apart or we had to develop some ways to support each other, when we could. We chose the latter.

Next time I would like to chat a bit about marriage and depression. Depression can have a devastating effect on a marriage but it doesn't have to be that way.

How about you? Is there someone or something right under your nose that you are not seeing as being a gift, just what you need?

For a dose of laughter medicine click here.

May dipsy doodling around depression

be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

Critique Partner

I have been sharing some of my challenges as a new writer. Most of the ones I have shared so far I have NOT had a great deal of success with...yet!

This is one of those. I do not have a critique partner. I have tried. I am not very flexible with this old bipolar, plus all of my other idiosyncratic tendencies!

My first attempt was a writer's group which met one evening a month about a forty minute drive from here. For starters, I am not much good for anything after seven in the evening. The group was small. Nice ladies. Spent a fair bit of time just chatting. Some didn't seem to actually write that much. Most wrote something quickly just to bring to the meeting. There was no one like me in that they were working steadily on one or two projects. The group didn't last long anyways. And I did make one friend out of it!

The next attempt was to join a critique group online, affiliated with the writers' guild I belong to here in Ontario. I had never met any of the people. And their method, online, looked like Greek to me. I was totally out of my element. And I realized that I hadn't a clue how to critique anything! This is not a natural gift for me.

My next attempt and failure is one I already shared recently about a writing course in my area. The content of some of the stories is disturbing to me and so I have opted out.

My only hope is to pray to my Lord to help me find a critique partner. I should have done that in the first place! I will let you know what He finds for me.

How about you? Do you have a critique partner? Is that helpful for you?

For a dose of laughter medicine click here.

May dipsy doodling around depression
be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,
I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

Show or Tell?

In my research I kept coming across articles on talking about how a writer is supposed to show the story and not tell the story. Boy, have I had a hard time putting my mind around this concept. I also have had a hard time NOT telling the whole story.

I have only just recently come across an article that explains it in a way that I am able to grasp. I found it in Randy Ingermansen's Advanced Fiction Writing E-zine . It is in the April 2009 issue under "Creating: Plot Pacing and Narrative Summary". Maybe it will help you too.

Writing has challenged me in a way painting never did. One of the reasons I became a painter was because the first time I tried to copy something, I found out I could! I was a natural. Then I discovered that I loved it. Then I discovered that I could teach it to others. I found myself teaching in my head as I painted.

Not so with writing. I write because I want to and I need to. It is not easy for me. And even when I think I might have learned something about technique, such as 'showing instead of telling', I couldn't begin to even explain it to someone else. It is all I can do to get my little old head around it.

Maybe I am enjoying being challenged for a change.

What about you? Have you figured out the difference in writing between showing and telling? Do tell! (or should that be show?!)

For a dose of laughter medicine click here.

May dipsy doodling around depression
be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,
I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

Writers' Conferences

This is one of the next challenges I have yet to meet. Most of the writing tips I have read recommend writers' conferences. This is something I would like to avoid and yet all of the experienced writers recommend it as a must for an aspiring writer.

Why would I like to avoid it? I am an introvert, which means I get re-energized by being alone, and lose energy quickly by being with people, especially lots of people. I could spend all that money, go and only attend a small portion of the events.

My husband (also an aspiring writer) and I almost went to one last year, but I chickened out at the last minute. I wasn't feeling well, and felt it would be a total waste of money for me. As a compromise, we purchased the CD's for all of the sessions and listened to them. We learned a lot, but we missed out on the networking part which is supposed to be key.

We even have a conference fairly close to us every year, just two hours away, put on by The Word Guild, of which we are members... so we don't even have the cost of an expensive flight. I have decided that we will attend next year, in the spring. I will have some of my support team pray for me that weekend.

What I usually need to do in a case like this is to plan to rest for at least a week after all that excitement as well as stay rested the week ahead of time. I need to have a battle plan in place. You see, with the bipolar condition, I will be get excited about the weekend. I will have to handle that excitement so I don't get too high. Then afterwards, I will need two kinds of rest. One is the rest to force myself down from the high, the second is rest to recover from too much stimulation. Then I will have to make sure that when I come down from the high, that I don't come too far down and crash. It is a two-edged sword.

I will let you know how well I survive.

What about you, do you attend conferences?

For a dose of laughter medicine click here.

May dipsy doodling around depression

be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

'The Snowflake Method'

After doing four or five drafts of my first novel, I decided that the entire thing was probably awful, too awful to have anyone read. But I still liked my basic idea and wasn't ready to give it up.

Back to the research I went. I discovered The Snowflake Method by Randy Ingermanson. It sounded wonderful and I decided to give it a try. It was fun. It helped me really focus. It was like starting all over again, but I didn't mind.

It did and it didn't work for me. I learned a lot from it and I would recommend it to anyone. I would recommend ALL of Randy Ingermanson's writing tips to anyone. I learned that I didn't really know my characters very well yet. That was a big discovery for me.

That is kind of where I am now, still rewriting, but trying to get to know my characters better. I got caught up in all of my secondary characters and realized that I didn't even know Maggie that well. I am trying to get to know her better.

More about writing next time.

For a dose of laughter medicine click here.

May dipsy doodling around depression
be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,
I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

POV

POV is writer's talk for 'point of view'. All of my research said I had to pick whose point of view the story would be told from. Okay, that would be easy, or so I thought. The story would be told from Maggie's point of view. Maggie is my main character.

I wrote the first draft of my novel from Maggie's point of view.

Then I did some more research. I discovered I needed to decide which person to write it in, the first person or the third person. I had already written the entire thing in the first person, and since the consensus was that third person is best, I went through and changed it all.

I continued to read other books similar to the kind I was attempting to create and realized that I needed to add some subplots to give more dynamic to the book. I did. That was fun! And then I realized that I was no longer usuing Maggie's point of view. Now the point of view changed everytime I wrote a different plot in the story.

What to do?

Even though I loved all of my subplots, I decided that maybe for a first novel I should keep it simple and just write the entire novel through Maggie's point of view. That means that the subplots would have to be presented differently. But that was okay, because I was still having fun with my little novel. The novel was becoming my new best friend, the one I wanted to spend most of my time with.

Being 'consistent' with the point of view is a good exercise for this old bipolar gal. My point of view changes from mood to mood, day to day, even moment to moment sometimes, and so this exercise was great for me.

I am still in the midst of rewriting the novel with a consistent point of view. I think I am finally getting the hang of it. I think I may actually have a grasp on the notion of the 'point of view'. I am not sure I am doing it well, but I AM doing it!

More about what I am learning about writing next time.

For a dose of laughter medicine click here.

May dipsy doodling around depression

be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

How to Write Right

As soon as I decided it was time to turn my life long dream of writing into a reality, I couldn't resist approaching it the way I have so many other new things in my life - with research!

Research is fun for anyone who likes to read and to study, like I do. Clearly, learning is the goal, but an added benefit is procrastination! You can pretend you are still working towards the writing goal, even though you are not really writing.

The research I found fun, exciting, and...overwhelming! And a gal that battles depression cannot afford to live with too much overwhelm. The solution to that has been to balance out the research with the writing. That works out pretty good too. When I am not feeling too terrific, I research. When I am feeling fairly good, I write. Either way, it all is part of the same goal.

Research itself is fun, but following all of the ideas and suggestions is the opposite of fun - it is work! Deciding which ideas to use and which to refuse is another challenge. Again, depression means indecision and so sometimes I simply must read, research and let it all sink in for awhile before I decide what is actually useful for me at that particular stage.

My first attempts at writing were my first blog, a short story for a contest, and a novel which is still in progress. I would work simultaneously on all of these as well as the research. That was sort of silly when I think of it now. I did not have a plan.

That was the whole point though. I was officially retired from having to work for a living, and free to do what I wanted the way I wanted, and so I did not feel inclined to 'plan' anything.

All that has changed and I will attempt to tell you how in the next few posts.

For a dose of laughter medicine click here.

May dipsy doodling around depression

be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love

My Writing Life...so far...

Depression has made it necessary for me to cut a lot of things out of my life. Some of those things I do not miss. The adjustment has been worth it because I spend less time depressed now than I used to and that is a good pay-off!

But writing has been something I have added because of the depression and that has turned out to be such a good thing for me. I always loved writing and now that I can't do much else, I have lots of time to write.

Writing hasn't been as easy as I thought it might be, but it has been more fun that I could have ever imagined! Those of you who write know what I am talking about.

Since I am one of those people who seeks out advice, I bought several books on writing. One of the many suggestions was to establish a 'web presence' even before you finish writing your book. (Yes, I am writing a book.) So that is when I started my first blog. There are all kinds of stories, both fiction and non-fiction in there and I had such fun sharing those stories.

Soon, I didn't care about 'establishing a web presence' at all, I was just enjoying writing!

After awhile I thought it might be interesting to try to write a blog about a 'niche topic' and since depression is such a big part of my existence, I chose depression. I abandoned my first blog for awhile to give "Dipsy Doodling Around Depression" my full attention.

This has been fun too and forced me to concentrate a bit more and given me a slightly different audience. It has been interesting to watch the statistics and see what kinds of posts get more readers and which ones get comments etc.

But the bottom line is this: I have discovered that I really LIKE writing whether anyone reads it or not. I simply enjoy the process. I am trying to do some of the things the books tell me I SHOULD do, but most of the time, I wish the whole world would go away so I could write!

For the next week I would like to share some of the challenges I am facing as a new writer.

For a dose of laughter medicine click HERE:

May dipsy doodling around depression

be better than a therapy session!

Don't give up,

I'm praying for you!

Wendy Love